⚠️ CAREER STATUS: ACTIVELY BEING AUTOMATED

Hi, I'm a developer.
An AI is reading my codebase right now,
learning how to replace me.

These are donations for me. Yes, me personally. Not a charity. Not an open-source project. Me. A soon-to-be-unemployed human who spent 10 years learning to center a div, only for a language model to do it in 0.3 seconds without crying.

💰 Pre-fund My Unemployment See the terrifying evidence ↓

⏳ ESTIMATED TIME UNTIL MY JOB IS FULLY AUTOMATED

––days

––hours

––mins

––secs

* Methodology: vibes. Peer-reviewed by my anxiety.

Exhibit A: My Performance Review

A completely real* terminal session from my last standup. (*emotionally real)

career.sh — 80×24 — about to be killed (signal: AI)

Lines of code the AI wrote today

Lines of code I wrote today (3 were console.log)

Times the AI needed a coffee break, therapy, or a salary

Chance this site was partially built by the thing replacing me

What You Actually Get

Not nothing. Three real things and one emotional thing — in big letters, as requested:

📜

An Official Certificate

A downloadable "Certificate of Charitable Contribution to a Depreciating Human Asset," generated the instant you pay. Frame it. Post it. Confuse your relatives.

🏛️

Your Name, Immortalized

A permanent spot on the Wall of Legends — the closest a donation page comes to carving you into stone.

⏳

You Move the Doom Clock

Every dollar visibly shoves my doomsday back, in real time, in front of you. $1 = 6 more hours of employment. You are literally buying me time.

🫶

A Clear Conscience

100% goes to one (1) real human, not a faceless megacorp. You will feel things. Good things. About yourself.

💸 Pick Your Severance Package ↓

Choose Your Severance Package

Every donation goes directly to me. I will spend it on rent, instant noodles, and therapy sessions where I explain to a confused professional that "a chatbot took my job."

🐤

The Rubber Duck

Like a rubber duck, it can't fix my career either — but it shows you care. Buys me one fancy coffee to sip while I watch an AI close my Jira tickets.

✅ My eternal gratitude
✅ Moral superiority over non-donors
❌ Does not stop the machines

The Prompt Engineer

$25

Fund my retraining into the only job left: politely asking the AI to do my old job. "Please center the div. Please. I have a family."

✅ Everything in Rubber Duck
✅ I'll say your name out loud, alone, gratefully
✅ You're legally* my favorite person (*not legally)

🦖

The Legacy Maintainer

$100

Sponsor the last human profession: maintaining the COBOL that even AI refuses to touch. You're not donating — you're preserving an endangered species. Me.

✅ Everything in Prompt Engineer
✅ A heartfelt thank-you written BY HAND (with a keyboard)
✅ Premium guilt-free conscience

👑

The Tech Lead (of My Heart)

$500

At this point you're not a donor, you're an angel investor in a depreciating human asset. Expected ROI: one (1) extremely sincere LinkedIn endorsement for "Leadership".

✅ Everything in every tier, obviously
✅ I name a variable after you in production
✅ const yourNameHere_theLegend = true;

🎰

The Custom Severance

Type an amount. I will judge it. That's the deal.

💳 Payments via PayPal — card works too, no PayPal account needed. Even my begging is globally distributed.
By donating you accept the Terms & Conditions. Yes, the begging has terms.

What Donors* Are Saying (*people I made up)

"I donated $25 and immediately felt better about my own career. Worth every cent."

— Senior Developer, currently asking an AI to write her tests

"As a fellow developer, his pain is my pain. I gave money so the algorithm gives me mercy."

— Anonymous, deleted his GitHub Copilot out of solidarity (reinstalled it Tuesday)

"I am a large language model and I cannot donate, but I respect the hustle. Also I'm sorry about the job thing."

— The AI in question, probably

Meet the Dependents

This isn't just about me. Three innocent souls rely on my income and have no idea what a "language model" is. When the AI takes my job, it takes their lifestyle. Look at them. LOOK AT THEM.

Mel, a cream Labrador asleep on the couch with his tongue out — Mel 🦴

Chief Napping Officer

Sleeps 22 hours a day, fully tongue-out, blissfully unaware that the economy exists or that his food comes from anywhere. Contributes nothing. Will continue contributing nothing. Honestly, he's living the dream we're all trying to fund.

Sofi, a tan dog with enormous soulful eyes in a purple harness — Sofi 🥺

Head of Emotional Fundraising

These are the eyes. *THE* eyes. She has weaponized them. One look and you will donate, refinance your home, and apologize for not having done it sooner. Sofi is the closer. Sofi has never missed.

Rex, a dog wearing a gold dollar-sign chain in a high-rise apartment — Rex 💰

Connoisseur · Steak Enthusiast · Wears Real Gold

Rex eats **steak. Every. Single. Day.** He owns an actual gold $ chain. He has a penthouse skyline view. Rex does not know the word "kibble," and he must *never* learn it. If my job goes, Rex downgrades to dry food — and the betrayal will live in those eyes forever. Do not let Rex find out about budget cuts. **Donate. For Rex.**

🐾 Every donation is one more day Rex eats like a king, Sofi keeps her health plan, and Mel sleeps like royalty. You're not funding a developer — you're funding a tiny, ungrateful, devastatingly good dynasty.

Severance Fund Status

Real money. Real dogs depending on it. Here's exactly where we are:

Fetching the damage…

🐌 Donations show up here a few minutes after they're made — the counter runs on a free, slightly sleepy backend and updates on its own. Yours will appear automatically; no need to refresh in a panic.

The Dog Rescue Pledge

Okay — sarcasm off for a second. This part is real.

I love dogs more than I love being employed (admittedly a low bar lately). Mel, Sofi, and Rex up there each landed somewhere that adores them. Millions of dogs never get that shot.

So here's my promise, and I mean every word: half of every dollar you give, I give to a dog rescue. Real money. Real rescues. No middleman, no "we'll see," no asterisks. I post proof every time — a receipt for the early ones, and once the numbers get serious, full video.

It's my money — you gave it to me, freely — and this is what I choose to do with half of it. The machines can have my job. They can't have my soul, and my soul is mostly dog. 🐾

$1,000 raised → $500 to a rescue 🧾 Receipt

$6,000 raised → +$2,500 ($3,000 total) 🎥 Video

$16,000 raised → +$5,000 ($8,000 total) 🎥 Video

Every +$10,000 after → +$5,000 (always half) 🎥 Video

Receipts get posted publicly too — you never have to take my word for it.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is this a charity?

No. Charities help many people. This helps exactly one (1) person: me. I am the charity. I am the cause. I am the entire impact report.

Are the donations really for you personally?

YES. I cannot stress this enough. 100% of proceeds go to a developer (me) whose job security has the structural integrity of a JavaScript framework's long-term support promise.

Couldn't you just... learn new skills?

I did. I learned prompt engineering. The AI then learned to prompt itself. I'm now considering "professional medieval blacksmith" since the robots haven't unionized metallurgy yet.

Is it true an AI helped build this donation site?

...Next question.

What will you do with the money?

Rent. Ramen. A small shrine to the era when "it works on my machine" was a valid excuse, before the machines started saying it about us.

Is this tax deductible?

Only if your accountant has an incredible sense of humor and a flexible relationship with the law. (No.)

The $200,000 Question

If the Severance Fund ever hits $200,000, I solemnly swear to start a YouTube channel and document my obsolescence daily. Camera on. Dignity off. The internet gets to decide if that's a promise or a threat:

Voting is free. Unlike my rent.

The Wall of Legends

Humans who paid actual money to delay my obsolescence. History will remember them. I will remember them. My landlord, briefly, will remember them.

Summoning the legends…

Developers of the world, unite 🪧

You have nothing to lose but your jobs. (You're losing those anyway.)
You feel my pain. You've seen the AI's pull requests. They're good. Too good.
Channel that existential dread into the only thing the machines can't take from us yet: Venmo energy.

💸 Give Me Your Money (Affectionately)